Here Without You
by erkingston
Summary: AU-ish. Jack and Jen deal with the loss of their daughter. (Written in Jen's POV)


Disclaimer:  I do not own Days (nor do I really want to… I mean, I would be really cool, but I couldn't be responsible for that many people.. wow, rambling, sorry)

A/N:  I wrote this for an English project, and I couldn't come up with an idea, and I was watching Days, and this kinda came to me, and I guess it could work for Dawson's Creek too.. but I'd rather it be Days…. I hope you enjoy.

I sighed as I watched the rain fall, hitting the trees, and ground, sliding down the windows.  It truly was a depressing day.  I dried my face, and took two readying breaths.  I let myself out of the backroom and made my way back to the living room.  As soon as I got there I wanted to turn around, go back to my sanctuary.  It was too late though.  Too many people had seen me, and were now coming over to give me condolences.  I didn't want them; I didn't want to be reminded.  

_i"I think today is the happiest day of my life."  He told me.  "I can't wait to continue our life together."/i_

I could feel the tears burning at my eyes again.  I pushed them down.  'No, I will not cry.'  I told myself.  I gave a pleading glance over to my grandmother.  She nodded knowingly, and made an announcement.  

"Everybody, I would like to thank you all for coming here, and supporting our family in our time of need, but we are very tired, and would just like to go to bed and put today behind us."

I felt my lips tug into a slight, slight smile.  'Got to love Grams, always so proper.'  I sardonically thought to myself.  Slowly, one by one the guests came over, wishing me some final sympathy, and headed for the door.  

"I'll always be here for you, you know that, if you ever want to talk or whatever, okay?"  I heard my best friend's voice whisper in my ear.  I nodded hugging her back.  We gave each other watery smiles and she left.  

_i"I can't believe she's two months already, it just feels like yesterday we found out you were pregnant."  He said.  I smiled adoringly down at our daughter.  "I know.  It's hard to believe isn't it?"  He pulled the two of us into a hug.  "I love the both of you, and I'll do everything I can to protect you, I promise."  I smiled.  "I know.  I love you too."/i_

When I awoke, it was night.  I could hear someone shuffling around and got up to investigate it.  I threw my robe on and went downstairs.  When I got to the kitchen I found Grams making a cup of tea.  

"Would you like a cup of tea, Jennifer?"  She asked me.  I nodded.  She got the tea ready as I got out the cookies.  We sat at the table and she looked at me.  

"How are you holding up?"  She asked me, before I got a chance to answer; she looked me straight in the eye.  "I mean really, Jennifer, none of this 'I'm fine' business, you may fool your friends, but I won't stand for it."  I sighed and looked down at the table, tracing the design of the wood with my finger. 

"I'm not sure."  I replied, honest truth.  I have no idea, how are you supposed to feel when someone you love dies.  Grams looked hard at me.  I saw her eyes soften.  She gave me a slight smile. 

"You'll get through it."  I nodded.  I really didn't think I could.  I could feel the tears threatening to flood, yet again.  I didn't think I had any tears left to cry.  We sat and drank our tea in silence.  All you could hear was the clock ticking, and the sounds of the teacup hitting the saucer.  

_i"Thanks Jen, I didn't want a cup of tea."  I smirked.  "I know you didn't.  If you did you would have put down our baby and made yourself one."  He rolled his eyes.  "Okay, Ms. Paranoia."  I shook my head.  "There is no such thing as being too careful around a baby."/i_

When we finished our teas, I went back upstairs.  I put my robe on the chair, and crawled back into bed.  The next morning I woke to a ringing phone.  I quickly reached over. 

 "Hello?"  I asked, fighting back a yawn.  

"Hey, were you still sleeping?"  It was Alex, my best friend.  I chuckled.  

"Just a little bit."  I heard her laugh on the other end of the line.  

"Jennifer! It's nearly quarter past noon; don't you think you should get up?"  She playfully scolded.  I looked over at the clock, it really was.  The clock's red numbers glared at me, 12:13.  I sighed.  

"Well, if I absolutely have to."  I replied, in a cheesy fake British accent.  I could feel Alex's glare at me.  

"Don't mock me, just 'cause I was born and raised in England doesn't give you the right to make fun of me."  She whined.  I sighed. 

"Fine, fine.  What's up?"  I asked.  Alex sighed.  

"Not a whole lot, just calling to see how you're doing."  She said. 

"I'm doing alright."  I told her.  She was silent for a couple seconds.  

"Alright… you do know that I don't believe that for a moment, do you?"  I laughed.  

"I know."  I heard Alex's husband in the background.  "You should go."  I told her.  She laughed and agreed.  

"Graeme's treating me to dinner at the LoConte's Restaurant."  She told me.  I laughed at her tone.    
"You sound less than thrilled; it really is a great restaurant."  She chuckled.  

"I'll tell you about it later.  Bye Jen."  

"Bye Alex."  I said and hung up. 

_i"I'll have the New York Cheesecake."  I ordered.  The waiter turned to him.  "And for you, sir?"  He asked.  "I'll have the chocolate mousse."  He replied.  The waiter nodded and left us alone.  I scrunched my nose.  "How do you eat that?"  I asked.  He smirked and grabbed a spoon.  "With this, of course."  I rolled my eyes.  I should have known.  I looked around.  It was spectacularly decorated.  The walls were a dramatic burgundy, but all of the table linens were light, with the napkins being the same burgundy as the walls.  Each table had a bouquet of flowers.  Our table had calla lilies.  My favorite flower.  The waiter put our desserts down in front of us, and gave him a wink.  I frowned for half a second, and then looked down at my dessert.  In the cheesecake was a beautiful platinum diamond ring.  I gasped as he got down on one knee, taking the ring from the dessert, cleaning it off, and then proposing.  "Jennifer, will you marry me?"  He asked.  I nodded.  "Yes, of course."  I replied. /i_

 "Jennifer.  Are you coming down for lunch?"  I heard Grams call.  I realized that I was starving.    
"Yes, Grams.  I'll be down in a second."  I quickly threw on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt.  Running down the stairs I felt like I was eight again, not twenty-eight.  Not going through this horrible time.  Coming into the kitchen, I walked over to the counter and started helping Grams make lunch.  She shoo-ed me away.  

"Go sit, I'll handle lunch, if you want to help grab the juice and two glasses on your way to the table."  She told me.  I rolled my eyes, and walked over to the cabinet, grabbed two glasses, and then grabbed the juice from the fridge.  I set them down on the table, and took a seat.  Grams brought over some soup and toast.  We quickly ate lunch, and then Grams had a meeting to go to.  After she left I ventured upstairs.  I changed into something 'more suitable' for public and left the house.  I walked around the town, and managed to find myself at the cemetery.  I debated going in for almost half an hour.  Finally deciding that I wasn't ready yet, I headed home.  My home.  I hadn't been there since the death.  I quietly opened the door and slipped in.  

_i."'Til death do us part."  We both repeated./i_

"Hello?"  I tearfully called out.  I took a couple more steps inside.  "Is anyone home?  Jack?"  I called again.  I wandered around the main floor.  I couldn't make myself go upstairs.  I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door bang open.  I grabbed a knife and fearfully went to face whoever was there. 

"Jack!"  I shouted.  "You nearly scared the life out of me."  He looked up and walked over to me.  I put the knife on the counter and met him half way.  He pulled me into a hug.  I could feel his breathing hitch.  I missed him so much.  

"I'm so glad your home."  He breathed into my hair.  I felt the tears flood my eyes.    
"I'm so glad to be home."  I replied.  We stood there hanging on to each other for what seemed like ever.  The phone ringing broke our embrace.  I reached over and answered it.    
"Hello?"  I asked.  I could hear Grams' frantic voice on the other end. 

"Jennifer, thank God your okay."  I felt my eyes open wide.  

"Grams, I'm so sorry, I didn't intend to be gone that long.  I was just going to go for a quick walk."  I apologized.  

"Don't worry about that, child.  I'm just glad your safe.  Is Jack there with you?"  She asked.  I nodded, and then realized she couldn't see me.  "Yes Grams, would you like to speak with him?"  

"Yes, put him on."  I said my goodbyes, and put Jack on the phone.  Jack's side of the conversation was very simple.  I got no clues about what that said.  When he hung up I asked. 

"What did she say?" 

"She just wanted me to keep you safe."  He replied.  I nodded, that sounded like Grams. I bit my lip.  I wanted to go upstairs, but I wasn't sure I could do it alone.  

"Can you come with me?"  I asked him.  He looked confused, but nodded.    
"Sure, where?"  He asked.  I took a deep breath.  "Victoria's room."  His eyes widened, but he agreed.  Slowly we made our way upstairs.  When we got to her door I let go of his hand.  He nodded and stepped back.  I opened the door and gasped. 

_iI let out a frantic scream.  "Jack!"  I called.  "Jack!"  He came running into the room, his eyes panicked.  "Jennifer, what's the matter?"  He asked.  I sobbed.  "She's not breathing.  Call 911, she's not breathing."  I cried, I held her close to me.  "Come on baby, breathe for mommy, breathe for me."  I repeated over and over to her.  /i_

I gasped as I watched the scene unfold before my eyes.  I felt like I was intruding, but I couldn't stop watching.  This was me.  I was the one who screamed, I was the one holding the non-breathing baby.

_i"Jennifer, you have to let them have her."  Jack told me.  "Give her to the paramedics so they can take care of her."  I shook my head.  It was too late.  My baby was dead.  I kissed the top of her head.  It was cool, but still warm.  I handed her over to the paramedic.  They put her on the stretcher and then the one turned to me with sad eyes.  "I'm sorry, sir, madam, but there's nothing we can do."  I felt my legs go out beneath me.  I knew it was true, but hearing it made it real.  /i_

"Are you alright?"  Jack asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.  I jumped.    
"I'm fine."  I said, my voice sounded far away and distorted.  I walked over to the crib and picked up one of the plush toys.  I cuddled it in my arms.  It still smelt like her.  I was shocked to find tears running off my face.  I hadn't realized I had been crying.  I turned around and buried myself into Jack's chest.  

"We're going to be okay."  He told me.  "It'll be hard for a while, but we're both strong, we'll get through this."  He took my chin and forced me to look in his eyes.  "We are going to be okay."  He repeated.  "Do you understand?"  I nodded.  I truly believe we will be okay.  In time, just not right now.  Right now I'm a grieving mother who just lost her baby.

A/N: Hi, me again… Did you like it?  I hope you did, I put a lot of work into it.  I'm thinking of doing a sequel, five or ten years in the future when Jen's pregnant with Abby.  Anyway… Please review…. I'll be much grateful J


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